


Lessons Learned

by BananaFana0883



Category: TMNT (2007)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-09 23:46:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5560567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BananaFana0883/pseuds/BananaFana0883
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was a gift for my 2015 Secret Santa.  Her amazing prompt was: 2007 universe; Leo finally realizing the pressure Donnie had been under while he was gone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lessons Learned

“Come on.  We’re going topside.”

While the familiar voice may have reached him, the words slowly percolating his distracted brain, there was still a beat of silence before Donnie realized that there was no one else in the room and Leo was actually talking to _him_.  He pulled his eyes from the monitor in front of him, spinning the chair in a circle to find his eldest brother standing there, watching him expectantly with clear brown eyes.  "Me?“ Donnie asked, brow lifting as he absently reached up to pull the headset off.

Ignoring the tension between them, Leo made a show of glancing around the quiet lair, hands flipping palm up as he said lightly, "There’s no one else here.”

“Right,” Donnie said evenly.  Raph and Mikey had taken off a while ago to go get dinner, which meant– “You want to go now?  They’re not going to save us any pizza …”

“Donnie,” Leo said, deadpan.  He tipped his head toward the door, “Let’s go.”

There was another stretch of painfully tense silence as Donnie felt his muscles coil, a million snide remarks swirling through his head.  He didn’t say any of them though, just shook his head and stated, “I think I’ll pass.”  He spun the chair around again, replacing the headset and effectively dismissing his brother.

Only Leo, it seemed, wasn’t about to let that fly.  He reached Donnie in two paces and, in an act more akin to something _Raph_ would do, ripped the headset straight off his head, yanking the cord out of the computer before throwing it across the room.

“Hey!” Donnie whirled, rising from the chair in the same motion and coming nose to nose with his brother.

“What is your problem?” Leo snapped, muscles tense and trembling with sudden anger.  They glared into each other’s eyes and, dimly, Leo was aware of just how out of character this was for Donnie.  He hadn’t expected the purple masked turtle to answer him with outright physical aggression; Donnie was sass and passive aggression, he wasn’t outright _anger_.  He wasn’t _Raphael_.  

“My problem?” Donnie repeated, brow ridges shooting up in a mockery of surprise.  " _My problem?_  I’m not the one who disappeared for two years!“

"I was training!” Leo fired back.  "I was following our Sensei’s orders!“

Donnie felt his lip curl, emotion bubbling up in his chest and bringing with it the familiar heat of adrenaline flooding his system.  "Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, Leo,” he sneered.  "Splinter didn’t tell you to stop writing after a year, did he?“

Leo drew himself up, shoulders squaring as he glared into his younger brother’s eyes.  How had they gone from zero to screaming so quickly?  He had no idea, but it made it abundantly clear that he needed to approach from another angle.  Meeting Donnie’s anger with his own wasn’t the answer and, for a heartbeat, the blue masked turtle felt a sharp stab of disappointment in himself.  Had he learned nothing while he was away?  

Pulling in a deep, centering breath, Leo took a figurative - and literal - step back but he kept his eyes on Donatello.  "Okay,” he acquiesced, forcing his hands to relax and uncurl.  His time away had been beneficial in many ways and not the least of which was the ability to recognize when he was wrong.  He’d allowed his temper to get away from him, ignored the patience that Donnie so obviously needed in this moment.  It was sobering, seeing how much they’d grown apart in the last two years and the realization brought with it a strong desire to mend their battered bond.

“Let me try this again,” Leo started, forging ahead despite the glare Donnie was still fixing him with.  "We need to talk and while I know that meditation isn’t your thing, we both know it’s mine; that hasn’t changed.“  He felt his shoulders begin to relax, the honesty of his words making them come much easier, "While I was away, it was the only time I felt connected and part of the family.  If I could have come back sooner, believe me Donnie, I would have.”  

There was a reluctant wariness in Donatello’s posture, a hardness in the younger brother’s eyes that had Leo continuing, “I want to share this with you and, in return, I want you to talk to me; as your _brother_ , Donnie, not your leader.”

Donnie’s arms fell loose at his sides, his eyes going to his computer and the blueprints for the new lair defenses laid out on his workspace.  There may have been a part of him that wanted to dig his heels in and refuse to open up, but at the heart of it, he _wanted_ to fix things with Leo and this was an opportunity to do just that.

“Fine,” he relented with a sigh.  The plans would still be there in an hour, even if the pizza wouldn’t.  He leaned over the chair and put his computer to sleep - he didn’t want to come back to Mikey watching cat videos on it - and then he was falling into step with his brother.  

After the anger he’d so recently felt, the struggle to clear his mind was even worse than usual.  On any given day, Donnie’s mind didn’t stop; it was constantly racing from one thought to the next and he’d learned in the past that clearing his mind completely just didn’t work.  He needed to focus on something menial, something that required little thought, something _monotonous_ , which for most would be, like, silently reciting the alphabet but for Donnie it meant running through an endless list of mathematical equations.  It felt like it took forever, but eventually he felt his shoulders relax and his breathing steady, the stress that he so typically carried around with him melting away as the minutes passed in silence.  He didn’t even hear Raphael and Michelangelo return and the scent of melted cheese and pepperoni barely registered, but when Leo cleared his throat softly, Donnie’s eyes opened and focused on his brother.  

Leo’s gaze was clear, his expression open, hands still resting comfortably on his knees and, with the clarity brought on by meditation, Donnie found that he was willing to hear what his brother had to say.  He wanted to fix this, right?

“I want to apologize,” Leo began.  "I shouldn’t have lost my temper with you.“    

Donnie found himself nodding but wasn’t quite ready to say his piece.  He wanted to hear what else Leo had to say first …

"I missed you all so much, but you’re right, I shouldn’t have stopped writing.  At some point, it just seemed easier but I know that it was a mistake and one that I deeply regret.  Taking the easy route is rarely the best choice; it was selfish of me.

"I learned a lot while I was away but the most important thing was how much my family means to me.”  Leo swallowed, eyes closing for a heartbeat before fixing on his brother once again, “I’m _sorry_ , Donatello.”

For a moment, Donnie wasn’t sure what to say - or rather he couldn’t quite settle on one particular thing because his mind was teeming.  There was a part of him that was so hurt and that was the part that had been driving his earlier anger, but he wasn’t angry now.  He was ready to forgive and move forward, but first he needed Leo to understand how his silence had affected them.  Raphael had made his feelings crystal clear, and Mikey was never shy about opening up, but Donatello had been mostly stewing in cold silence with only the occasional snark to betray his upset.  Leo had opened up to him though, and it was time for him to do the same.

Unbidden, emotion welled up inside of him, bringing with it the sting of tears, and Donnie lowered his gaze to his clasped hands.  "I never wanted to be in charge,“ he admitted.  "But there was no one else.  Raph may have wanted the job, but we all know that he wouldn’t have been able to do it …”  He drew in a deep breath, willing himself to continue talking, “I _tried_ , Leo.  I tried to keep the family together …”  Shame coiled hot in his belly, rushing outward in a flush that colored his cheeks.  He’d failed so thoroughly at the task that had been set before him and, like he’d done a million times since Leo returned, Donnie began running down the mental list of what he should have done differently.  

“I don’t know how you do it,” Donatello said softly.  "I don’t know how you manage to balance all of it.“  

Leo gave a breath of a laugh, "Poorly, sometimes.”

Donnie lifted his eyes then, a small smile crossing his face.  "Even on your worst day, Leo, you do better than I did.“

The amusement faded from Leonardo’s eyes, replaced with a somberness as he regarded his younger brother.  Of all of them, Donatello was the one he’d worried about least while he was gone, but obviously he’d been wrong in assuming that the tech-savvy turtle would take everything in stride and logic his way through any issues.  Donnie simply hadn’t been up to the task and …

Leo blinked, realization dawning as it all suddenly fell into place.  Donnie hadn’t been cold toward him because he’d missed him, or because he’d stopped writing - though that probably added to it - no, Donnie had been mad because he felt like he’d failed his leader, failed his _brother_.  Leonardo and Splinter had given him a task and he felt like he hadn’t performed it well enough and he’d cracked under that weight.  It made a certain sort of sense though; Donatello always went above and beyond when it came to fulfilling a task - defenses for the lair, souping up their vehicles, hacking into security systems, you name it - and until this moment, Leo hadn’t realized how much Donnie needed that validation.  Not only had he been out of his comfort zone, but his ego had taken a beating as well.  It was something that Leo could wholeheartedly  _relate_ to.

Donnie lowered his eyes again, blinking away those stubborn tears, "I’m sorry, Leo.  I should have done better …”

“Donnie,” Leo started, unfolding his legs and scooting closer to his brother to drop a comforting hand on his shoulder.  "We all have our roles and I shouldn’t have tried to force you into mine.  You did your best and, in the end, that’s all I can ask of you.“  

Donnie lifted his gaze, that moment of honesty and understanding hanging there between them and both knew that this was what they’d needed.  They’d be okay.  All of them.

Leo’s head tipped slightly, a smile crossing his face as he asked, "Did you learn anything from it, though?”

Donnie snorted a laugh, “Yeah, it doesn’t matter who leads; Raph will always think he’s in charge!”


End file.
